last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
