I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
