porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
