Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
