we're chasing vodka with high fives
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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