Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it's like iHOP with fire
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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