her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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