I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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