Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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