We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
