Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
