I think my fart just growled at me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
