ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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