She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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