What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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