Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
