No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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