we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
