the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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