I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
