The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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