Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
