its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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