need another drink. this is the easiest way
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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