So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
