I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
