then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
