i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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