Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
operation have a gay friend backfired
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
