he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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