hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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