Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
