Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
