We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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