I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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