i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So gin and wine won't be happening again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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