Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
