new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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