I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
