You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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