Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
