Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
