He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
