Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
