He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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