You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
