plz talk dirty to me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
BRING THE BAGELS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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