I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
