you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
