Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
