Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
