They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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