about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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