so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
