i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
