Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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