I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
